Regret
by kyhplz
Summary: After a mission goes horribly wrong, Marc is hospitalized and Lee blames himself for the situation. Oneshot.


_I regret it. I completely and totally regret everything I have done as a spy, and will continue regretting this through my entire life. I regret ever becoming a spy, ever going on this mission. Now, because of me, he's going to die. He's going to die. He's going to die and there's nothing I can do. If only we hadn't gone… Tony wouldn't be so scared right now and Megan wouldn't be so lost. What should I do? Maybe I can get my own memories erased. It would be for the better._

_I just… I can't take it. It was already hard being the oldest, and keeping a secret from the rest of our family. But now… how do I face mom and dad? How do I tell them, "Ahem, yes, my little brother is dead because of me." If only I'd been there for him sooner. Like a real brother would have. Tony and Megan were down there faster than me… and they were even hurt more than me. I'm so useless._

_That's it, right? That's all I am and ever will be in this world. I'm a failure, a fake. It's all my fault. I'm to blame. I'm the one that said "We'll be fine" to Jerry. I'm the one that made Marc check it out on his own… even when he didn't want to. I told him that it would be okay, that I had his back. And he believed me. His undying trust in me is what hurts the most. And the fact that I failed him… like I've failed him, Megan, and Tony before._

_Marc. I'm so sorry, but it's okay. You can blame me, I know I would. I'm nothing like you; you're smart and you had a future. But I was blind… now you just lost everything, didn't you? All because of me. I'm a spoiled, selfish little brat. Oh Marc… if you could hear me right now, I'm so sorry. I messed up big time. I'm so, so sorry…_

There was silence. Lee paced around Marc's hospital bed where his brother was laying, face pale. Megan was there too; slumped back in her chair. Her olive eyes were so bright, yet cold and distant. She wouldn't, couldn't move. She had been here the longest, nearing seven hours. The doctors had taken ages, but when they left the room Megan took their place, watching over Marc in their absence. Jerry was holding onto Tony's shoulders, as the boy's body shook with silent tears. This was so hard for him. He may have been a spy, but right now he was just an eleven year old boy who was watching his brother slowly wilt away.

There was nothing Lee could do. He blamed himself entirely, for the whole situation. Each child had their own negative feeling about the situation, but none blamed Lee. Megan was just hoping her little brother was alright, nothing else. There was almost a motherly touch to her feelings that forbade her from leaving. She didn't care about anything else at this point. There wasn't anything more important than this right now. She didn't care about school or being home for dinner in time. The limp brunette in the room kept her insecurity on edge. There was an intense thought that, if she moved while no one else was here, something else might happen to her brother. He couldn't be left alone for a minute.

On the other hand, the youngest stood there, watching Marc's laboured chest drum up, down, up, down monotonously. It wasn't like he was sleeping; the breaths were too short and calloused to truly belong to Marc. His face was so unnaturally pale that if he was close enough, Tony was pretty sure that he would be able to see Marc's blood circulating. The very thought itself was repulsive. But instead of being repulsed, Tony could feel his worry bubbling up like an active volcano, getting ready to explode after years of being dormant. This was a horrible way for Marc, or anyone, really, to go.

But especially not Marc. He was one of the sweetest spies Jerry knew, always wanting to be a little technical while also resorting to use as little violence as possible. In Jerry's mind, this would be a horrible way to go and the WOOHP founder was doing everything he could to save this boy's life. Which was quite a lot. All he could do now was hope for the best. But he couldn't stand to see this boy like this anymore… although he didn't want to, he had to leave soon and do get to work with other agents as well.

The children all looked pathetic, sitting around like this. Marc looked so cold. Almost like he was dead already. But the respirator just barely kept him alive, kept his blood circulating, kept his heart pumping.

Marc was brought to the WOOHP hospital by his siblings midway through a mission. Jerry had originally asked if the children were going to be okay, kindly explaining that he could easily find replacements. Lee himself had said that they would be fine. But they were cocky. The baddie knew that they were still children, and would look after each other. He cut the air supply to Marc's lungs deep underwater, and the young boy had nearly drowned. But now there were the after effects. Marc was being fed through a tube, while a respirator on his nose kept him breathing. It was still completely private, and as such, their parents hadn't been notified. But still… Marc had been suffocating for nearly the full three minutes before they surfaced.

The silence lasted a long time, with just the occasional sniffle from Tony. It was Megan who finally broke the long pause.

"…it's not your fault, Lee. If anything it's mine, I was the one who told Marc to go first… and I knew he was scared too." Her brother, face red, turned to face his sister. She was being stupid; of course it wasn't her fault. She had urged Marc ahead because Lee decided that Marc could go first.

"What are you talking about?" He blared. "I was the one that said we'd be fine on the mission! I should always be in the front and I knew that! Marc was scared and I made him go anyway. I'm a horrible brother and a horrible spy." There was no one else to blame for this incident.

"No… you're not. This was bound to happen someday. It's just that we weren't ready… next time we will be."

"There won't be a next time!" Lee couldn't help it, he may have been thirteen but he was ready to cry on the spot. But he wouldn't… he was still a man and he wouldn't cry. But what he said had upset the youngest even more, and Tony finally lost all of his composure. He lost all weight in his legs and dropped like a ragdoll. He curled up on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably.

Megan drifted off again and Lee ran to comfort his brother. He couldn't do anything for Marc anymore… he was useless. He was better off as the bait from now on. As he held Tony close, Lee didn't say anything, just rubbed his brother's back in a slow, soothing motion. What could he say? 'I'm sorry for your loss,'? It didn't feel like it would quite cut it.

Jerry murmured something to himself and left the room, carrying a box of tissues with him. Lee knew he had to stay strong. Tony was devastated and Megan was equally distracted. She just stared at Marc's face with a sort of deep desire to help, in some way, in any way. She wanted to hold him close and tell him that everything was going to be alright, that there was no danger anymore, that all he had to do was get better.

She walked up next to her brother and kneeled down next to him, watching his unearthly calm face while she listened to the monitor. She just hoped he'd be alright… she was so close to crying now too. But if she did, what kind of sister would she be to doubt her brother like that?

"Come on Marc…" She whispered, simply trying to reassure herself, "you can do it little brother. I know you can make it."

"M-Megan… please take Tony and wash him up, I need some time alone with Marc." She was brought out of her reverie when she heard Lee's voice. She understood that he wanted to be alone with Marc, and although it would hurt so much to leave, she had to. But she still argued, maybe she could just stay a little longer.

"But…"

"Just do it Megan, I don't want you in here." Megan sighed and nodded gravely, taking her little brother in her arms. She whispered comforts into his ear as she led the youngest Clark away. Lee, in the meantime, took the chair that Megan had been sitting on and he pulled it up next to Marc and took his brother's hand. It was as cold as winter and dreadfully limp. The feeling of such lifelessness made Lee feel even worse. Marc was usually such a lively, happy boy filled with ideas and enthusiasm.

"Marc… I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry…" Lee couldn't stop whispering sorry. His brother was in such a horrible state. He squeezed his half-dead brother's limp hand as hard as he dared, and he rested his head on Marc's stomach and sobbed.

He cried for what felt like hours. It wasn't really hours; it had been a matter of minutes before his own body trembled like Tony's had. There was no true saviour for this boy's guilt right now. Everything about this delicate child's life felt like a responsibility for Lee. Marc was smart and, while Tony may have been younger and reckless, his lust for excitement made it so that he was more durable than Marc.

There was something warm coursing over his own hand, and Lee lifted his head. The crying stopped and he watched as his poor little brother smiled as best he could, tears flowing from the corner of his own eyes. He was in pain, and it hurt Lee so much. And to make matters worse, his brother was crying. Which meant something was wrong. Maybe after this Marc would want Lee out of his life. And although the thought terrified him, he really couldn't feel like there wasn't a reason for Marc to feel that way. Maybe the reason he was crying is because he didn't want to get rid of Lee, but he thought he had to. Or maybe… He squeezed Marc's hand again unknowingly, and when the younger brother whined slightly, Lee was interrupted. His eyes fell and he let go of Marc's hand, backing away slightly. Even so much as thinking about anything that would hurt Marc made him hurt even more.

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me… I never meant to hurt you. I'll just- maybe I'll go." Lee curled up into a ball to stop his feelings from spreading to Mark like wildfire. Instead, he silently watched his brother as Marc's visage went from sympathy to complete sadness, his entire face drooping. His silent crystals intensified and, meekly, he held his arm out to Lee. He mouthed the words 'please', wanting desperately for Lee to be near him in his time of need.

Lee didn't know what to do. On one hand, he was afraid that if he approached Marc, the brunette would crumple to pieces just from the redhead's touch. And he didn't want to hurt Marc more than he already had. But his brother looked so lonely… if he'd just go to him maybe it wouldn't be as scary. Marc did have a fear of numerous things.

Marc's hand drooped while Lee had pondered. It took him a few seconds to notice after that, but when he did, he panicked. Losing all previous thoughts and worries he rushed to his brother's side and took his hand, whispering his name worriedly.

"Marc? Marc!" He whispered his brother's name, thinking that maybe Marc was already dead. But when his brother opened his eyes slightly and let little devils dance in his pupils, Lee realized that Marc didn't blame him at all. Right now, all he wanted was his eldest brother to be there for him. And Lee promised him, with tears streaming from both their eyes, that he'd be there for Marc from now on and would protect him from here on out.


End file.
